Love Letters
by Limitbreaker
Summary: An encounter by letters between Draco Malfoy and Cedric Diggory along the fourth year. Slash.
1. Only in My Dreams

**Title: **Love Letters  
**Pairing:** Cedric/Draco  
**Rating**: PG-13  
**Summary:** An encounter by letters between Draco Malfoy and Cedric Diggory along the fourth year.  
**Disclaimer**: This is a work of fanfiction set in the Harry Potter universe, all recognisable characters and settings are the property of J. K. Rowling and her associates.  
**A/N**: This was written for the 10_letters challenge on livejournal and I thought, pfff, just go ahead and spam ff-net with those melodramatic, sugary letters. xD Please don't be too harsh with the grammar and such. English is not my first language. Hope you are still able to enjoy!

To Cedric Diggory,

You cannot guess how often I tried to put in words what is in my head right now. I have something to tell you. Something so ridiculous and stupid that you will laugh right in my face. In moments of weakness I stand right behind you and am about to say what would bring you the highest amusement, but you never notice me and I'm glad that I don't embarrass myself in front of you by saying out loud what I feel for you.

My heart is obsessed with you.

I am in love with you.

You won't believe what a longing for you possesses me. It keeps me awake at night and it is only your fault that I am never able to concentrate in lessons. I am tired of this. Tired of hiding my feelings, too, but more of not being able to sleep.

And I wish so much for a dream about you, because I cannot in person be in your presence. On the other hand… My dreams are scaring me. I am not afraid of you, just of the things I feel about you. I am insane. I must lock myself up or other people will do it for me.

How much I want to write you of those dreams. You should know what you made of me. Because of you I am a mad man. And my feather will not let me make this word disappear that tells you the truth about my gender…

Maybe you can understand me now. I am utterly scared to have feelings for a boy, but you are to me a person intensely desirable. And I am not the same to you. I never will be anything to you. You can be happy without me and I cannot. What is left for me are the lonely nights in which I dream about you. Only you.

Your hands running over my body. Your lips kissing me. Your teeth biting me.

I hear the gasps and moans long after I have awaken in the silence of the dorm. Like they have been reality. It is never soft. In my dreams there is no emotional attachment and I know exactly why.

You have never spoken a single word to me and you have no reasons to. I do not give you any. Admiring your looks is forgivable. Falling for your character would be my death. I fear to like you even more if I get to know you better, but I desire nothing more.

There is nothing between us, not love, not anything else.

But I cannot stop hoping. Hope is one more thing that is left to me and you can decide if you want to erase it. The owl is waiting to bring me your answer or you can make her fly away, then she will be the only one, who knows about your surely loud laughter.


	2. The Bird Bites

_Delivered by a smart owl to Draco Malfoy, although Cedric has no clue about that…_

I cannot believe that I get such a letter and I don't really know what to answer. Besides your lovely owl is stinging me into writing back much too fast (and she's biting, you'll have to send me a plaster as an excuse, my poor finger…). I can hardly think which words to pick. Please, be sure that I would never make fun out of you if you are talking to me. Your letter was… touching. It touched me and I will keep it safe. Just so you know… I don't get that much letters and I can't remember the last time I've written one, so you can pique yourself on receiving (a really bad) one from me.

I would love to know who you are. And I would like you to get to know me, because I'm tired of all the people who admire the 'pretty boy'. There's more than that inside me… at least I hope so.

I'm not disgusted by the thought of you being a boy. I would contradict myself if I do that. You fall in love with a human being, not with a gender, I suppose… Nobody should be afraid of showing his feelings towards a person, just because some people think it's not right. Love is never wrong. And I am talking like Professor Dumbledore, am I?

You have all my respects for writing such a letter, but I would respect you even more, if you're telling me who you are.

~Cedric


	3. Draco’s Disclosure

To Cedric Diggory,

You want to know who I am? You could probably look at the end of this letter; there you will find your answer, but somehow I believe that you will not do that. You are such a nice guy, Diggory. You will read every single, stupid word I write to you, until you get so bloody curious that you will not be able to resist any longer. I wonder if you will take a look…

Otherwise we can play a little game…

I am a bit younger than you are. I am much blonder than you could ever be (except in a metaphorical way). I like green and I believe that yellow matches this color badly. Yes, you are right: I am in Slytherin. That is one reason why several people are going to kill me if they find out that I fancy you, which is quite obvious, you just have to look carefully.

Remember those pins? I made them and if you still do not know who I am than you are not as smart as everybody says. I was working three nights at them and I am still not absolutely satisfied with the result. I do not like the colors that much. They could have been flashier. You probably do not like them at all, I suppose. You want to stay 'fair' and you do not care about how I feel if you are not wearing one of these buttons. I stayed up all night to make them for you and everything you do is to tell Potter that you do not like them. I have heard you say that and it did hurt me. What hurt me more was that you were so kind to Potter. He of all people!

My hatred for Harry Potter is possibly another clue. Everyone in school knows that we hate each other and that is the reason they are all thinking I made these buttons to make fun of Potter. But actually I made them just so that you notice me. All that I achieved is probably that you hate me.

Otherwise I cannot imagine you hating anyone. You are much too nice for this world and if you do not pay attention, then someone will throw a knife right into your back if you turn around with your stupid smile in your even more stupid face. And yes, I am worried about you. This tournament is so dangerous and you are much too good to survive it. Nobody else is playing fair. Potter least of all or he would not even be a champion. You should be careful around Krum as well. I have spent some time with him and he knows a lot about dark magic, on top of that Karkaroff is exerting leverage on him.

You see that this is everything what is in my head at the moment. I do not like to see you in the tournament. I want you to just watch it… while you are sitting next to me, holding my sweaty hand… It would probably not be sweaty if you are sitting beside me instead of fighting a bloody dragon (what a stupid bastard had that idea?!). Otherwise… my hands are always getting wet if you are close to me.

You could make sure of that. If you want to, then meet me at the lake at 8PM…

~Draco Malfoy

P.S. And don't you dare to show that bloody letter around just to humiliate me. I was transfigured into a damn ferret. Nothing can ever top that!


	4. Bad Luck with Doors

Dear Draco,

It must've been because of some sort of strange coincidences that we haven't talked to each other for nearly two months. I tried to talk to you after Herbology yesterday, but someone slammed the door of the greenhouses right into my face and knocked me out. I'm absolutely sure that you didn't have to do something with that. It's my fault. I'm pursued by bad luck, because every time I finally find you in this huge castle, something will get in my way. Mostly doors…

Because of that I write to you. It's been almost two months since the last time I wrote to you and I'm more used to talking to you now, but I suppose there is not such a big difference between writing and babbling stupid stuff. I mean… You're not talking nonsense. Although you always seemed to be afraid of that in particular. What I'm trying to say is that I was enjoying our meetings and I miss you. I really do.

And I like to know what I have done wrong that you aren't showing up anymore. It's not because of the doors, right? I don't think that I can do something against that… and you can be sure that I'll always throw myself between you and a door. They're dangerous. You should be careful.

Damn it, I'm even _writing_ nonsense! That is only your fault. I don't blame you. I mean… I miss you. I have thought about you ever since we were separating. And that counts for every single of our meetings. I miss talking to you…

It makes me sick that I cannot watch your lips turning into that breath taking smile while you're talking to me. Only me. And it's _my_ smile. Only mine. You don't smile at other people like that and if you do then I don't want to know about it, because that would break my heart. Otherwise… It already has been broken. You've broken my heart, Draco, and you're dancing on the fragments, until there's nothing left of it.

I cannot stand this anymore. Every move seems to cause pain and all I can do is watching you from afar, because these bloody doors won't let me get close to you! I feel like crying. But I still hope that these are only raindrops falling on my parchment. You wouldn't like it if I cry and I'm probably just overreacting, right? Why should you avoid me?

The last time we met was just perfect. I still remember the soft touch of your fingers as they brushed against mine. Your hands were so cold. I suppose because of the snow and I feel bad that I wanted to meet you outside. But I just wanted to have an excuse to take your hand… or to wrap you in my arms. Now I wish that I had done the latter. You looked adorable with your black coat, your reddened cheeks and… I cannot forget your sparkling eyes. I feel so special, because they were glittering like that if you looked at _me_ and not because of the snowflakes.

I won't see that anymore and that makes me incredible sad. I wish I had taken a picture of that scene. But I know that there are other opportunities to make amends. I can still watch you in the sun, when it raises or goes down or reaches its highest point. And I will see you in the rain, because I am waiting here by the lake until you're coming. I won't risk breaking my nose again just because I'm getting close to a door.

Draco, please. Stop me before I'll blame a door for the 18th century goblin rebellions.

I cannot explain what you are for me but I would like to show you.

All my love,

~Cedric


	5. Full of Emotion

To Cedric,

You dare to say that _I_ have broken _your_ heart? How could you, Cedric Diggory? It was not my fault! I did not go to the Yule Ball with that bloody bitch! I refused every of Pansy Parkinson's countless invitations until I had heard of you and Cho Chang!

I had to watch you, Diggory. All I could do was sitting there and watch how much fun you were having with her. Not with me. You were not even looking at me. Not once.

I did not say anything as you have been flirting with Fleur Delacour, because that would have been too soon. But as the Yule Ball approached I thought that you really _like_ me. I thought you spent so much time with me, because you might even feel something for me. Something more than pity.

At the beginning you talked to me, because you felt sorry for the poor boy, who had fallen in love with you, and you do not even have to deny that. I can live with it. But I wished you would have told me that you were not interested. You gave me the feeling that there could be more! You made me believe that I was special.

The moment I saw you walking in with Chang _I_ felt like crying. I wanted to scream and punch at you, but all that is left for me is slamming doors right into your stupid face. I hate you. You cannot tell me that you miss me, because you do not. You like being popular, Diggory. Nothing more. But for that you have the CDFC and I am not a member of that club.

You probably think that a Malfoy has no feelings at all, right? That is what everybody thinks about my family. We are cold as ice, ruthless and cruel. But surprise! I am not like that! I hate being a Malfoy sometimes, because if I was born with another name then I could scream at you in public.

My life has always been colourless. There are few people, who I truly can call friends. Most people like me, because of my name and they suppose that they can take advantage of being my friend. I thought that you were different and even if you are not interested in something like that, you just have taken advantage of me. You love to be loved by me. And I love you. The only good in my life is to spend it with you.

Just because of you everything looks like it has been suddenly painted. For the first time in my life I… Words can never tell you how I feel. You will never understand me. The stupidest idea in my entire life was to open myself up to you. I cannot believe that you were able to hurt me that much. There is nothing I can compare to the pain I am feeling because of you and everything you do is pretending that you have not noticed me behind those doors. Blame me, Diggory. Blame me for the cold you will get, because I am not coming to you. I have disgraced myself enough with acting like your bloody fangirl.

I do not even know why I liked you! You are not the man I have thought you are. You are not kind, not friendly and everything else but loyal. If I ever get close enough to the Sorting Hat again I will tell him what a horrible and tremendous mistake it was to put you of all people into Hufflepuff. You are a bloody cheater. Snogging the bloody French bitch in some secret passages, before you are trying to seduce me and for the simple reason that it did not work out that easily you hit on Chang. Who is the next one, Diggory? Maybe you should try it with Mudblood Granger? She is just the same as you, but at least you are good looking while you screw anything with a heartbeat. Are you checking against a list or something like that? A foreign, a champion, a blonde, a brunette, a seeker, a girl, a boy, all different colours, right? Probably I do not even know about everyone.

I hope you suffer in the rain.

~Draco


	6. Ambitious Goals

Dear Draco,

It's not that I love the hospital wing but I came to the conclusion that it's a nice place to organise your thoughts. First of all I have to disappoint you but my cold is not as bad as you'd wished. Madam Pomfrey is just keeping me here, because I am the champion and have to carry Hogwarts' hopes on my shoulders. It's like nobody's listening when I'm saying that Harry is also the champion for Hogwarts, but whatever…

I don't exactly know where to start… Your last letter was… not very nice and I'm not sure if you were just angry or if you really think that I'm such a person. On that score I have to tell you that I actually never get closer to Fleur Delacour when you did – physically. It's not that I don't like her – I want to be honest to you – but absolutely not in a romantically way. Fleur is a nice and very beautifully girl and you should not call her… that. You don't even know her. It's just unfair and I am rather less enamoured of that.

On the other hand… I can understand that you were jealous because of Cho, but it's not her fault. Shortly before the Yule Ball I have even thought about taking _you_ with me! Unfortunately that was simply not allowed and sure as rain you would have said no. Have you ever thought about that? It's not like we have been officially dating. According to my opinion we were dating.

Did you realise that I would never sit hours next to you if I didn't like you? It was freaking cold outside! I thought my feelings were obvious. It makes me incredible sad that you think I just wanted to… you know that you're much too young to even think about sex, do you? You're always looking so innocent, with your big eyes and that cute smile, you know? I'm not sure if I want to know what you were thinking about when I touched your hand. I don't think that I'm ready for something like that…

As you might have noticed I am not the type of guy, who only thinks about that kind of stuff. I don't give a damn what the others in my year were doing when they were at the Yule Ball, but I'm not kissing any girl at the first date and certainly not one that I just invited because I had no alternative.

You know what? The next time I see you I'll just grab you and pull you under a mistletoe… or I kiss you right in the middle of the Great Hall, where everybody will be able to see what I feel for you.

I'm not afraid that you don't want me anymore. For the moment I'm quite sure that you're only angry and jealous, but for that you don't have any reason. I don't want anybody else. I want _you_.

I want to tell everybody how I feel about you and I want to take your hand in public, because I'm proud that such a wonderful boy like you wants to be with me. _If_ you still want to be with me… It feels like someone throws a knife right into my heart when I think about the possibility that you truly hate me now and don't want to see me anymore, because of such unfortunate occurrences. And it definitely hurts more than to be knocked out by a door, believe me.

I see you tomorrow at breakfast and if you don't do something about it than I'll make you look ridiculous in front of the whole school, when I kiss you. And now I wish you sweet dreams, my love.

~Cedric


	7. Apologise

Dear Cedric,

I will not enter the Great Hall until the owl has delivered my letter, because I am a bit scared that you will really do, what you were writing about. It is not that I do not like the thought of being your official boyfriend, even though that sounds utterly strange it was everything I have ever dreamt about. I was blushing as I read your letter. Can you imagine me with such scarlet red cheeks? It is quite surreal and looks inexpressibly stupid. I really hope that goes away before lessons start.

Anyway, I have to apologise. I was definitely overreacting, but you should take that as a compliment. My behaviour was only showing you how much I care about you. And yes, I still care about you. So you do not have to be afraid or anything like that. I feel slightly nervous right now and I am not even sure why exactly. After I have read your letter I was not even able to sleep and dream things that you do not want to hear about, because they have an undesirable influence on me, right? You almost sound like my parents.

And there we have a little problem. Well, a big problem. Somehow I would have never thought about that you really want to be with me. With dates and that whole stuff… I wanted that, of course, but I never thought about the possibility that my absolutely impossible dream would come true. Maybe I was a little afraid after your 'Me against Hogwarts' doors'-letter, because it already sounded so serious and because of that I wrote such stupid things.

You have to know that I am more than scared what my parents would say if I tell them that I like a boy. It is not that you are beneath my dignity. If it was up to me then I would love to take your hand in public… or kiss you. Despite the fact that you do not seem very fond of this idea. I hope I just have misunderstood you. The best way to find that out is if you come and talk to me personally. I promise that there will not be any doors around and I am not wearing gloves, so you can take my shaking hands. And they are shaking. With anticipation and because of the outside temperatures.

You know where you will find me.

And I am sorry. I am so sorry. I acted like a bloody idiot. Right now I would promise you nearly everything if you forgive me, except introducing you to my parents immediately, which you probably do not even want me to do. As you need time to get closer to me I need time to scrape together all the courage I posses, so that I can make this between us official.

Now stop eating and move your arse over here!

Love,

~Draco


	8. Draco’s Dream

Ced,

It is late at night and you will probably not get my letter before the morning, but I have to tell you what I was dreaming about. I cannot get back to sleep, because I am scared that I will see the images again as soon as I close my eyes. It was horrible, Ced. I am much too old to be scared of my dreams, but I cannot help myself. I wish you would be here to hold me in your arms, the only place in the world there I truly feel safe. How much I wish I could curl up next to you and feel your soft fingers stroking my hair the way you are always doing it.

The day I believed that you do not love me I wanted to lie down and die. I felt like there would never be anything again that would make me smile. But now… I know that you love me. There was nothing that ever made me so happy like hearing you say those words and I still tremble when I think about that moment, which I will forever keep safe in my heart, locked up from every other human in the world. I cannot imagine a life without you anymore and I will sacrifice anything for you; will make sure that you are as happy as I am and that you feel as adored as I do.

But I feel unsure now… I dreamt that you were not here, Ced. No matter where I searched for you I could not find you and felt like someone had ripped out my heart. I woke up with tears streaming down my face. I cried, Ced. I could not stop for what felt like hours and I do not dare to fall asleep again. I cannot remember what exactly I dreamt, but the emotions are still tangible and they feel so real that you have the proof that I am telling you the truth right there on the parchment (I tried to scribble around the teardrops, so the ink will not smear).

Is that pathetic, Ced? Are you laughing, because I feel so much for you that I suffer every moment we cannot spent together? Or are you laughing, because I was so stupid and told you about it? Maybe the reason for this horrible dream is nothing more than insecurity? Insecurity and fear to lose you. My jealousness is unjustified and I feel ashamed every single time I call you a cheater or worse. I know that I should be thankful for you giving me the time I need to live this love openly and that I do not have any reason to be jealous of a dust particle on your shoulder, but I am scared, Ced. I am frightened that you will get annoyed and do not want to wait any longer for me.

The day a few months ago as I saw you talking to Potter is a good example for this. I said things to you I still regret, because words that once were spoken can never be taken back. Today you might not reproach me for having said these stinging remarks, but after tonight I am sure that someday you will and then I will be alone again.

Do not leave me, Ced. Please… stay with me. Do not leave me just because I am acting like the bloody child I am. Die after I did, so I do not have to follow you.

Does this sound creepy? Am I creepy? Please tell me that I am not a stalker. I do not want to turn into such a man. All I want is to be with you for my whole life. You might think that I cannot say something like that at my young age, but the love I received from you brought me enough happiness and strength for the rest of my life. However a life without you would destroy me.

I am writing nonsense, right? But I am all churned up inside just because of a stupid dream in which I could not be with you. I want you by my side, Cedric. Right now. I want you to tell me that everything will be alright and that you will stay with me. I want to touch you. I need to feel your skin and kiss your lips. Oh, Ced, you cannot imagine how much I want to kiss you at the moment. Being as close to you as possible would be the only thing that could calm me down.

I embrace and hold you tight, if only in my mind. Sleep well, Cedric. I am counting the hours until dawn when I will see you again.

I am kissing you with all the devotion possible.

~Draco


	9. Confessions of a Champion

My dearest Draco,

If I could I would run to you as fast as possible. The image of my love in a state of agitation won't let me sleep either. Be sure that I stay awake all night. It's the least I can do to be with you in my thoughts. I wish I could be with you and hug you back, comfort you in any way I know.

Be not afraid, my love. I would regret it for the rest of my life if I leave you. The last months with you were the happiest in my life. I'd never felt so loved and understood. Sometimes, when I'm lying in my bed and everything I can do is thinking about you being with me, I mourn after every second I couldn't spent with you.

I would move heaven and earth for you, Draco.

Yes, I cannot understand why you are sometimes so upset, because I cannot think of any reason I gave you to be jealous. You don't have to be afraid that I leave you. That would break your heart and with that mine as well. If I could I would rip my heart out of my chest and sent it to you, because I know that it would be nowhere else safer. I try to show you every day how much you mean to me and I hate myself that I am not capable to make you realise this.

I will never laugh at you because you tell me how you feel, neither if you show me. How much I sometimes wish for that. You don't have to be scared that I don't want you anymore if you will be a bit more emotional. I've said to you several times that you can tell me everything, but I won't force you to open up to me either. You don't have to be careful what you're saying to me. I don't want anything else from you than your love. I give a damn about your last name and I won't let me tell that I cannot see you anymore just because your father doesn't like me or something like that.

Nothing can keep me from you, Draco. And if I die before you, then I'll watch over you and be there when you come to be with me again. I'll take your hand and show you the nice, fluffy cloud I've chosen for us. You know what I mean? I'm pinching your cheek, Draco. Please, don't think about such stuff before you're old. By the way, I tried to imagine you with an old face and came to the conclusion that I'm looking forward to the upcoming anniversaries, which are bringing us closer to the grey hairs of which I'm sure you certainly never get…

What am I talking about? Draco, I just don't want you to be sad anymore. Did I cheer you up? At least a bit?

Go back to bed, my love. I shall be awake for you and keep the nightmares away from my Draco. You have to be well rested so we can celebrate your birthday like you deserve it. I have a present for you and I am quite sure that you'll like it. It's definitely your taste.

I was, am and will always be yours, entirely and with all my heart. And because you look so sweet when I'm doing it I pinch your cheek once more. Sleep well.

~Cedric


	10. The Last Letter

My beloved Cedric,

Two months have passed since the last time I saw you. I was tainted with sadness over the whole summer and I do not think that I will ever be able to laugh again without you by my side. Why is life so cruel and took you away from me? I still cannot believe that I will never see your handsome face again. Of course I remember every line, but that is not the same.

It is not fair that you are leaving me behind. Why did you have to take part in that tournament? Why did you have to die and Potter is alive? How can you do that to me after you promised that you would never leave me alone? I feel so lost, Cedric. Why are you not here to show me the right way? How shall I shoulder the weight of your death?

I have needed such a long time just to think about the word.

The other day I went to Ottery St. Catchpole to visit your grave. Something I still cannot realise and I would love if I could deny its existence. Somehow I wished that I would not found a stone with your name on it and that you would finally jump out of nowhere to tell me that this is all a bad joke. But instead I had to watch your father crying like a baby and what hurt me most was that I could not go to him and tell him that I love you.

He does not know about us and I will never tell anyone how much I love you. I do not want that everybody thinks I am a liar if I say that we have been together. I could not bear that. Besides no one would want to hear that you liked a boy, right? They are all consoling Chang like she was the one who spent so much time with you. Just because she went to the Yule Ball with you they had taken her down to the lake and because of that she had to be your girlfriend.

Once more I am jealous and this time that is everything what is left for me. I miss you, Cedric. But I cannot love you anymore. I mean, you are not here. How could I love someone, who is not… No. I detest myself that I even thought about not loving you. I will always love you more than anything in the world.

The world seems so cold without you. I feel like the man my father always wanted me to be. Like every emotion has been sucked out of me. I do not think that I can stand this life without you and if I had the courage I would follow you, but I am scared. And I know that you would not want that…

But are you not missing me? You love me, Cedric. You would be glad if I end this stupid life and come to you, right? You said that you are waiting for me to join you on our cloud. I know that I am only safe in your arms and tonight I will be okay. Nothing will be senseless anymore if I am close to you again. At the moment I know nothing but sorrow, except that I love you and that I want to be with you. So I will…

Do you remember our first and only night together? I can still feel your touch, the weight and heat of your body… When I close my eyes and think about the passionate kisses we shared I almost feel better. But as soon as I am drawn back to reality the truth slams into me. I will never be able to wake up next to you again and stroke the soft hair out of your face.

But I still remember the way you looked at me. Your grey eyes, usually so friendly, but then dark with passion and still I felt so loved. I cannot believe that I will never be able to hold you again like I did that night. Yes, I know that you were holding me more than vice versa, but that felt good, too. Everything I ever did with you felt right. How shall I ever do anything again without you by my side? Nothing will go right ever again…

Your love made me the happiest and unhappiest in my life, which has already ended. I do not have to do that. I deserve punishment. I deserve to stay here and wait for the day on that I will finally see you again. I am writing you a letter because our relationship started with one. It was the best idea in my life to send it.

This was how it began and so it shall end.

Farewell,

~Draco


End file.
